my life is officially going down down and further down the toliet

very far down the toliet... the big golden toliet that used to be my life previously has now decided to swallow me up and then spit me out into a living lie....i died so long ago that I'm only living in a shell of my past existance.... what's pain? I feel none.... i lost sensation, feelings, along with my mind.... i died....

my memories are slipping away.... i try to grasp onto my childhood.... the best years of my life.... ever since then, (little to my own knowledge) i went down hill.... but it seems that no matter how far down i get, there's still no end.... i keep on falling.....

want to hear something funny?

I haven't felt true happiness in a long time... I think the last time I smiled from the bottom of my heart was in China.... that's more then 2 years ago... how time flies....

the world has no meanting any more

i miss the starry summer nights with warm soft breeze... just sitting in the yard with my grandparents, watching the stars sparkle...

can we rewind and relive those moments.... before I die?