Free--time to chase after my dreams?

Exams are OVER! finally! so happy now :P

now is time to relax and focus on what i want out of life--well, maybe not that serious...maybe is just want I want to do during these few day. But yeah over the course of these few weeks, I have discovered that life isn't all about learning and getting good marks (i know that's really obvious to some but i haven't been able to realize that for awhile).
Life is all about ... having fun, enjoying every moment to the fullest. I mean after all, all of our hard work today is just so that we can surive in the world tomorrow. so what's the point of freaking out about it? enjoy while you are still here--dont build a wonderful life for yourself and then it turns out that you can't enjoy it at all--it would be so horrible.
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and throughout these few days, I also found out something about myself....
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...
...
It is strange, and i'm not even sure if is my imagination or ...
but

I think i'm falling in love..................

strange, eh? that i can't even tell whether is love or just a type of connection or comfort.

I donno...but i haven't been in love for a long time (not since last year anyways) I donno...but ever since then--ever since that tragic experience I haven't been able to completely let go of myself--i havent' really allowed myself to fall in love again.

i donno...
this is all very strange..............
unfamiliar...
I can't believe this.
Three years ago I was head over heels in love with what i thought was an amazing guy. I liked him, and then I loved him. I loved him so deeply that i was about to change schools just for him. We went out for awhile and then i realized just how self and ignorant he really is... I was crushed. I was crushed by my own self dispare--i cant believe that i ever fell for him...

A year ago I thought i was falling in love again...but this time is wasn't real...I liked him and he like me, but it turns out that he loves my friend. I was crushed again--crushed by my own stupidity--crushed by my own incapablility to realize the truth, the reality......................


And now...I don't even know what to do any more...
Should I let myself love him?
If so how?
How can I love him without feeling strange/foreign/lost?
.
.
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I can't...

I want to be his friend--only friends! but is not working as love like a cough cannot be hidden.
Now i think he's on to me, but i'm too afraid to reveal anything--afraid that the truth will crush me again.............................................................

He is so amazing, and i'm sure of it this time!
He has goals in life, dreams to chase
He has values and self-restrain
He pays attention to life's mircales

But he's not for me.........but one day he'll make some lucky girl very happy

All i can do is to bee there for him when he needs it
All i can do is watch him chase after his dreams
All i can do is to 让他找到爱的幸福
All i can do is to look him in the eye and prove to the world that i care for him, i love him, but i can't have him

All i can ever do is bee his friend~*+

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+*~This is my goodby to you...